Selfish
by The-Queen-of-the-Pirates
Summary: Feliciano sits in his living room, Christmas is only hours away but he is alone and only seeing one person would cheer him up. GerIta


**Merry Christmas people! I wrote this as a Christmas present for my friend OneNightStandWithGrell. The ending almost killed me to write because I'm not into cheesy fluffy things but my friend is so you'd better enjoy this! (Talking to friend)**

**Read and Review.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

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**Feliciano was selfish. He knew it to be true and he told himself often, just to make sure he didn't forget it. He was a despicable human being and he deserved to die. Garlands hung limply from the places where they had been half-heartedly pinned and glared down at the sad display of other Christmas decorations lazily spread about.**

Christmas had always been Feliciano's favorite time of year. Everyone was cheerful and the streets were alive and bright with spirit and laughter. His fellows dancing and singing without a care in the world, cheeks flushed a honey glow from both the chilled air and the alcohol coursing through their systems. All in all, it was Feliciano's favorite time of year. But not this year.

Most Christmases people said his home was a sight to behold. Lights strung up here, there, everywhere. His joyous personality was displayed in every inch of his decorations. It had become a tradition for a lot people to come behold his home during this time of year. He would invite them in for a hot drink, and they would wonder at the beauty of his home while he grinned widely and chatted excitedly with them over all sorts of things, parties, families, traveling, and he wasn't opposed to flirting with the occasional beautiful female. But not this year.

The usual lively home radiated only it's owners depression.

Feliciano hated the gasps people gave when they saw his dark, barren house, full of disappointment at the annual joy being shattered like glass by his lack of motivation. It was horrible. He ignored them when they knocked, just sat. What kind of person ruined another's Christmas cheer. Well, he was selfish. That much he knew.

He sat in his half decorated living room, a half empty glass of wine in his hand. He held the glass by the rim with his finger tips, watching the deep red liquid swirl in a small whirlpool as he gently rotated it. His chestnut eyes slide to the Christmas tree in the corner. The branches stuck out in every direction and most of the needles that had once lined the branches now littered the floor. The lights were sloppily thrown on and flickered every now and again from one weak bulb that was impossible to find.

The poor tree was in the same state of disarray that he was.

The clock on the wall chimed ten O'clock, that was it. Today was the day. Today was the day his soul died.

He saw vividly in his mind a golden-haired man with crystal blue eyes so clear you could get lost in them for hours. Ludwig. He stood next to that girl, a small smile, one that Feliciano had once believed was reserved only for him, on the normally stoic man's face.

Feliciano couldn't help hating that girl, and he hated himself for it. The uncharacteristic depression was eating him from the inside out. It was an arranged marriage, but a marriage nonetheless. The fact that Ludwig's grandfather had picked the girl out didn't make it any less true that Ludwig was going to spend the rest of his life with her in his arms instead of Feliciano.

He was selfish. He should be there, clapping and laughing with Ludwig on such an important day, but he refused, he wouldn't. How could he? The love of his life was marrying someone else. How could he pretend to be happy, when he was shattering to pieces inside. Only a few serrated shards of him remained, hanging precariously and ready to drop at the slightest jostle.

This was the selfish part of him, the only part left standing. The part that hoped and wished that Ludwig would walk through that door, take him into his arms and say it was Feliciano he loved, now, and forever.

But it was a shallow hope and as minutes ticked by into hours Feliciano grew emptier and emptier.

11:48

The seconds trickled by torturously slow. In twelve minutes it would be Christmas and in hours after that Ludwig and his new wife would be coming to visit before going on their honeymoon. The thought made Feliciano nauseous and he quickly changed the direction of his mind. His friend Kiku was coming as well, all the way from Japan. Back in their younger adult years, he Kiku and Ludwig had been almost inseparable, they we're a packaged deal, a token three. It would be the first time in years that Feliciano would see him and, despite his emotional distress, he was almost thrilled.

Almost.

A door slamming caught his attention, it sounded nearby. Probably another person to be disappointed by his lack of Christmas lights. They would go away soon. Feliciano suck back into his thoughts. Absentmindedly swirling his drink again. He was startled and nearly jumped out of his skin when the door slammed open, as it was he jumped out of his chair. He looked to the front door and the person he had least expected to see towered in the doorway.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano's grip on his wine faltered and the glass dropped to the waiting floor and shattered, spilling the dark red alcohol across the wooden ground.

"Feliciano." Ludwig breathed his name easily, like it was the completely normal him being here. "What are you doing? You made a mess." A thick German accent punctuated his every word wrapping Feliciano in an unwanted warmth and raising goose bumps on his arms. He watched as Ludwig closed the door and glided with practiced ease to a closet in the hallway where he kept his paper towels. He ripped a couple of sheets off before crouching down in front of Feliciano, picking up the broken glass and stacking it in his palm.

"Ludwig..." The blonde man made no motion to show that he'd heard, he simply continued to wipe the wine from the floor until it was cleaned to his standards. "Ludwig." Ludwig stood and walked to the other side of the room, throwing the glass and soiled paper towel into the waste bin. "Ludwig!" He stood up straight, turned, and finally looked Feliciano in the eye. "Ludwig, wha- what are you doing here? Wha..." Feliciano was utterly stunned, and he refused to acknowledge the flower of hope that was blooming within his chest. Ludwig's eyes darkened and he turned his head to the side looking seemingly anywhere but Feliciano.

"Feliciano... I couldn't do it. I'm... In love 'vith someone else." Feliciano's heart sank. Out of the frying pan into the fire, so to say. The one he loves leaves his wedding and comes here, only to say he's in love with someone else.

"Oh." He must have sounded as broken as he felt because Ludwig's eyes snapped up to meet his. After a moment of silent staring Ludwig's mouth twitched into a smile and he moved his fist in front of his mouth to muffled a chuckle that worked its way from his throat. He was laughing! Ludwig was laughing at him. Feliciano couldn't believe it. His heart ached and he glared and the amused German. "What's so funny." He hissed, the acid in his voice slapped the smirk off Ludwig's face immediately.

"Feli." Ludwig crossed the room in two steps. "Can I tell you something about the person I love?" Feliciano scowled at the flowing grain on the wooden floor.

"Is she cute?" He spat.

"_He_ is adorable." Oh. Feliciano reluctantly looked up. "He has the prettiest eyes and the brightest smile. His hair is wild but nice nonetheless, and he was the greatest laugh I've ever heard." Ludwig took another step towards him. "He's usually cheerful this time of year and he makes everyone around him happy."

"Who is it?" Ludwig smirked, a rare sight, a cupped his cheek, leaned down and pressed his lips against Feliciano's.

Feliciano's eyes widened as his brain registered what was happening. Ludwig was kissing him. He was the one Ludwig loved! It all clicked into place and Feliciano closed his eyes wrapping his arms around Ludwig's neck and pressing himself against the larger man, quickly turning something sweet into something much more needy and desperate. He needed this. As Ludwig's arms encircled Feliciano's waste to pull I'm closer the pieces of him that had broken began to piece themselves back together. Selfishness was no longer the only thing left inside him. He was becoming whole again. He pulled away from Ludwig, panting heavily, and he smiled. Ludwig returned it and Feliciano jumped back into his arms settling into his embrace.

"Feliciano, I-"

"Ludwig, shush." Feliciano cut him off. He already knew what he was going to say. Instead he focused on something other than the warm fire that had rekindled in his heart.

3... 2... 1...

He pulled back and one of his signature grins spread across his face directed at his best friend and true love.

"Merry Christmas!" Ludwig broke into a bout of rumbling later that shook his chest. He picked up Feliciano and spun him around causing Feliciano to join in with the first laughter he'd given in probably a month. It felt almost strange. But it felt good. He giggled again and lightly pressed his lips against Ludwig's.

He was going to spend the rest of the night in Ludwig's arms, and he couldn't wait for Kiku to get there in the morning.


End file.
